resisting larger plans

Outside our window, another dark cloud rolls over.

The goats are hiding in their house, complaining loudly out their window. As if the weather were our doing.

I want to stay here, and am feeling an anxiety that comes a full 24 hours before leaving time. Like my time isn't quite my own anymore.

The children have gone, to play piano and trumpet, and I like the time alone.

My parents were here for a visit on their way from Utah back to San Rafael. We read books and ate food and talked. They are easy to be with. My dad drawing plans for an RV park that has become theirs, my mom knitting, and shopping for a copper-roofed beehive online. I may have inherited my crafty project-ness there.

Eli tells me he is nervous about his Bar Mitzvah. He's been encouraged to "reflect" more than may be comfortable lately.

I'm feeling concrete lately as well. Having lots of feelings, but not the focus to examine them. I have little plans: things to plant, things to make. I feel myself resisting larger plans, and introspection in general.

Juliana