Recently we took a 2 week road trip. There were a few things that made it very special for me.
First of all, it was fun. I was able to hang out with my friends at my dad's ultimate tournament. Later we went to Las Vegas and went to an indoor amusement park at our hotel.
We also saw many beautiful and special things along the way. Some of the most incredible were the bristle cone pines, the General Sherman sequoia and other sequoias, and the Joshua Tree Cholla Cactus Garden. Some other amazing things we saw were the rock colors and formations in Death Valley, the 49 Palms Oasis and The Strip in Las Vegas.
Along with this incredible beauty we saw many superlatives. We saw the oldest living thing: the Methuselah Tree, the biggest living thing: General Sherman sequoia, the hottest, the driest and the lowest places in America at Death Valley and the largest city in America.
Because of the fun, the beauty and the amazing things, this road trip was very special to me.
Eli,
ReplyDeleteThis is well written. Good job with your revisions.
Papa
Eli,
ReplyDeleteOne suggestion: elaborate a bit in your supporting paragraphs. For example, when you say that the bristlecones, sequoias, and cactus garden are "incredible", you should explain why and how. Something like:
"For example, the cholla garden looked like it was straight out of a Dr. Seuss book--especially against the background of joshua tree forests. I didn't realize there were plants that grew like that."
--Papa again